I’ll admit it, I love reality shows. Seven strangers picked to live in a house together, overly assured, though not self-aware, mouth breathers ready to scream their lungs out for the privilege of being slapped down by Simon Cowell, or people lying in a vat of camel dung swallowing gold fish and grub worms, it matters not, I love them all! Of particular interest to me is any reality show that purports to include “celebrities”. The lower down the star food chain each alleged celebrity is, the better I like it. Vanilla Ice on The Surreal Life and Corbin Bernson on Celebrity Mole makes for award winning, legendary television in my opinion. Give me any former actor who hangs up his security guard uniform for a week to become a shadow of his former self, and get into shouting matches with the lead singer of the Dixie Cups, who, in turn, has taken a leave of absence from her job at Denny’s to be on the show, screams “EMMY”!!! But now, Court TV has trumped them all, by releasing a list of potential witnesses for the defense in the Michael Jackson case.
Elizabeth Taylor and Kobe Bryant are the Lucy and Desi of character witnesses. “Tell us, Ms Taylor, how you would compare Michael Jackson’s character with that of any one of your husbands? Please begin with numbers one through five”. The remainder of Liz’s spouses would, of course, be referenced in a follow-up question. Taylor can go on to tell how her Jackson Five boxed set was all that got her through several of her stays at the Betty Ford Clinic. Kobe could, through first hand knowledge, give his opinion of the “…hell that Michael must have endured giving DNA samples”. Bryant could then reinforce Michael’s worth to the community by noting that he had in fact allowed Michael to remain in California, while insisting that Phil Jackson and Shaquille O’Neal leave.
The Backstreet Boy’s Nick Carter and his younger brother pre-pubescent heartthrob Aaron are set to testify that they frequently, in very private moments, refer to each other as Tito and Mike. On very special occasions, however Nick gets to be Mike, while Aaron dons a gorilla suit and becomes Jackson’s pet chimp Bubbles. On those “special” occasions two of Carter’s bodyguards become Tito and Germaine. Carter’s makeup artist and hair stylist, referred to in court papers simply as “Jeffrey” doubles as Janet and LaToya.
Illusionist David Blaine’s testimony will be of least use to the defense. This is the unfortunate result of the magician not being able to hear the questions put to him by virtue of the fact that he will no doubt be on the stand sealed in a block of ice or suspended above the courtroom in a plastic case. A similar fate is likely to befall fellow witness, psychic Uri Geller, who is sure to be frustrated by the microphone bending down away from him each time he attempts to answer a question. Also on the defense list is Tonight Show host Jay Leno. He is prepared to testify that, in his opinion, if former Tonight Show host Johnny Carson wasn’t already dead, the thought of Michael Jackson having to answer these charges in open court would surely have killed the former king of late night.
A last minute addition to the witness is list Jose Conseco, who will testify that rumors of Michael, being on steroids for the making of the Thriller album are absolutely false. The cream Michael applied to secure his nose to the rest of his face at that time contained no illegal substances. This will be a relief to the Grammy Award people, who will not have to add asterisks to any of Jackson’s awards. Talk show host Maury Povich will testify that he has never done a paternity test show for Michael. Povich has been quoted as saying, “As far as I know. Michaels’s children Paris, Prince Michael and Blanket were all produced in a remote animatronics’ lab by Hasbro toys. Hasbro, it turns out, also produced the life-size Lisa Marie Presley robot that “married” Michael and subsequently accompanied him to the Grammy Awards a few years back”
One of the most interesting names on the list is CNN’s own “crypt keeper” Larry King. Some pre-trial Q&A provides an interesting insight into what course King’s testimony might take:
Attorney Mesereau: “Mr. King, can you tell us when you first met my client?”
King: “Carol Stream, Illinois, you’re on the air, what is your question for Ryan Seacrest?”
Mesereau: “I’m sorry, what was that?’
King: “Funny you should ask that. I have no idea how I started wearing these suspenders, but now they are part of the image and I am stuck with them”
Mesereau: “Uh, Mr. King, what have been your experiences dealing with my client professionally?”
King: “I’d kill for a plate of matzoh brie from Nate and Al’s Deli”
Mesereau: “Thank you Mr. King. No further questions”
Trust me folks, you might want to TiVo the endless hours of Jackson reports and analysis that will be populating the airways from Court TV to Animal Planet. This is going to be a B-list festival the likes of which has not been seen since the reception at the Robert Blake-Bonnie Lee Bakley wedding. It’s a list of the formerly famous, combined with the not nearly famous; all folded together in what Martha Stewart refers to in her deposition to be read at the Jackson trial as “a casserole of innocence”. Martha ended that deposition with, “It’s a good thing”,
Recently, a message board posting on the HWC site asked what the duties of everyone on the HWC.com team were. I had written a background piece some time ago, and I shared it as part of the resulting thread. I also figured it was time to update things based on some intramural changes at Mattel and some additions to the team. Here is a look at the HWC team, as it currently exists.
Jarom Giles
Jarom is originally from Utah, but lived in France for 3 years and attended universities in Europe, the Middle East and Latin America. He has an undergraduate degree in French Literature from the University of Utah. Jarom started working at Mattel in January 2000.
Immediately after starting at Mattel, he began attending the MBA program at Loyola Marymount University. In August of 2003, he received his MBA in Marketing Management and International Business. He started as an "Associate International Producer," looking after the localization processes of the "Boys Branded Websites." He then took a new position in September of 2003 and became the "Manager of Web Localization." Jarom has 2 sons -- a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old. His oldest son Justin went to his first Hot Wheels Convention in Irvine last year. Justin loves playing Hot Wheels at home with his dad.
One side note: Jarom was on our recent Japan trip, where he took over and never relinquished the spotlight at a local karaoke club. He and I teamed up on "Homeward Bound," and then he sang "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" with Tracey. Finally, he performed a Japanese techno version of "American Pie" that brought down the house.
Roger Hu
Roger is one of several team members on the Quality Assurance staff (referred to as "The Dream Team" by many people within the company). Roger goes back to the earliest days of the HWC site -- organizing test plans, assigning beta testers and even monitoring the boards. He graduated from Cal State University, Long Beach. His first job was in a video store. After graduation, he went to work in the aerospace industry, moving eventually to the computer industry.
Roger has been a part of Mattel for 7 years. "I never regretted quitting the Aerospace industry," he told me. He adds, "My new career in the computer industry led me here." Growing up in the South Bay area, Roger rode past the Mattel offices many times. Kids in his neighborhood would always talk about what it would be like to work for Mattel. Through several turns in the road, Roger has become a valued member of Mattel and the HWC crew.
Don DeLucia
Don is one of the technical mainstays in Mattel New Media. He had been in multimedia software support in 1991 and into software testing in 1993. Don has been working with Amy since November 1998.
His current duties include: Admin on the HWC and Barbie Bulletin Boards, staging and monitoring of the sales of exclusive and non-exclusive products in the Hot Wheels Shop and the Barbie Online Store. He answers HWC and Barbie support questions and adds products to the Hot Wheels Showcase. Don has always been an avid Hot Wheels collector. Those of you who see him at the convention know him by the "Boss Hoss" name on his jersey.
Don told me he enjoyed "spelunking." I told him that made sense, because most of the great cooks of the world are men. He then informed me that spelunking was the exploration of caves. I knew that.
Craig Forrest
Before we get to Craig Forrest, I would like to warn those of you who don't know him: Craig is not the easiest interview in the world. Those of you who do know him are all nodding your heads as you read this. Craig has never met a straight line he didn't like. He has a wicked sense of humor that gives him what can only be called a "unique" perspective on the world.
Craig started at Mattel in 1997. As with the rest of the HWC crew, Craig is a jack-of-all-trades. "You need a light bulb changed? I'm your man," he said referencing Exokie's post in the aforementioned thread. Craig is a big favorite at Mattel. Everyone feels like they've known him forever. And, in spite of his often-cavalier attitude, he is all business when it comes to the task at hand. He has a common sense approach to getting things done.
Among his many duties, Craig monitors the boards and works the Irvine convention, where he is known as the "Hot Wheels most famous footwear authority." What are his hobbies? "My hobbies include quilting
Japanese Beetles ----and Other Cars
Something not so unique to Japan.
What can you say about a trip to Japan with an assortment of Hot Wheels types? In a word, it was --- awesome. We left LAX the day after Thanksgiving and arrived a “short” thirteen hours later in Tokyo. In the entourage were HWC Amy, HWCDave, HWC Ray, myself, George Barris, his guest, Mr. and Mrs. Larry Wood, HWC Tracey and HW Jarom. Our translator, guide and companion was Hot Wheels collector, and die cast aficionado, George Stapchuk. George was invaluable on this trip. It could not have been done without him.
The 12th Annual Yokohama Hot Rod and Custom Show was held in that city’s Convention Center. There were rows and rows of some of the most beautiful cars I have ever seen. The show was put on by Moon Eyes and featured guest stars ranging from George Barris and Jesse James to Larry Wood. By the looks of the people attending the show, there is a great American influence among the Japanese car enthusiasts. Many of the attendees were dressed in Hot Wheels tee shirts, Oakland Raider jerseys, Laker jackets and New York Yankee hats. There was also a decided “hip-hop” flavor to many of the outfits. It seems the rap culture is quite pervasive in Japan. Music featuring the Beach Boys, Three Dog Night and Simon and Garfunkel served as backdrop for the show. I found it interesting that we always mention how many atm’s are empty within a ten-block radius of any convention. Meanwhile, the folks at Moon Eyes cut right to the chase. The first booth you saw as you entered the Yokohama Convention Center was the Nicos Company, offering to sign attendees up for the special edition Moon Eyes Visa card. We all realize that George Barris and Larry Wood are icons in the automotive world. Nowhere is that more evident than Japan. People flocked to get their autographs. Many of these folks were carrying stacks of Barris books and cases of Hot Wheels cars to have Barris and Wood sign their names to. In addition, several Japanese Hot Wheels collectors sought out Amy, Tracey, Dave and Ray. I got to meet these folks who had been long time friends of the HWC staff. It amazes me the universal appeal that the HWC site has. I met Tony and his wife Izumi, two collectors from Yokohama named Jun and Nobuhiro. After the show we headed to the huge amusement park adjacent to the convention center. Yokohama features one of the largest Ferris wheels in the world. One trip around takes fifteen minutes. Actually, Japan has 100 Ferris wheels. The common wisdom is these were built as a hedge against damage done by Godzilla. Godzilla, as any of us who have seen his movies can attest, is attracted to Japanese amusement parks like tornados are attracted to American trailer parks. He’d done millions of dollars in damage to Ferris wheels throughout the country, until he was mercifully shipped off to join the New York Yankees. Later, in a less than traditional move we went to a Chinese restaurant in Yokohama. The food, atmosphere and company were great. This incredible meal was followed by, was there any doubt, a trip to a tiki bar. HWC Amy led the charge into the subterranean grotto full of tikis, bamboo and an indoor rain forest. Monday afternoon found our merry band headed to Tokyo. Tokyo is a tourist and shoppers paradise. HWC Amy bought a digital camera the size of a fig Newton. In fact, they give you a complimentary box of fig Newtons for the purpose of comparison. HWC Ray was the best bargain hunter a real Rolex for under $20. Funny thing is, in Japan they seem to spell it “Rolecks”. I bought a Hanshin Tigers baseball jersey, number 7. I have no idea who he is, but he is my new favorite Japanese baseball star. Our last night in Japan took us to a karaoke bar, where I delivered a techno version of “American Pie” of which I am very proud. Then I teamed with Jarom on “Homeward Bound”. The evening was topped off by George Stapchuk and HWC Tracey teaming up on “Here Comes the Sun”. I’m thinking record deal and tour dates ---- not.
All in all it was a great trip. We left for home Wednesday at 3:30pm and arrived at 8:00am that same day. I wish I could say that confused me, but I was too tired to even manage confusion.
============================================
The Queen City
Al reports on the alternate universe known as the Hot Wheels® Nationals convention
Having checked my pulse, my watch and my wallet, every half hour since leaving Cincinnati, I have been reflecting on our recently concluded National Convention. It was absolutely an affair to remember. Through some strange juxtaposition of reservations, the majority of attendees were at the Hyatt Regency, while some were across the street at the Sheraton. By the way, Cincinnati is the cleanest, most user-friendly city I have ever seen. A path was worn out on Fifth Street as people moved between convention venues. Now as for the convention itself, the chaotic, convulsive carnival that is the National Convention was, in a word, a hoot. Up and down halls, in and out of rooms they went. They bought, sold, traded, talked, laughed and carried on. Some of the rooms were smaller than you might like. Rumor had it that, one room was so small, the mice were hunch backed. Still another attendee claimed that he put his key in the lock and broke the window. I cannot, however, offer confirmation of either of these claims.
Interesting is the fact that the Hyatt is the hotel used by all visiting teams coming to play the Reds. When the first collectors arrived, the Pirates were in town. At night Champs Sports bar was filled with guys watching themselves perform on ESPN. When the convention began in earnest, the Cubs were in town. Sammy Sosa was on his quest for home run number 500. Thursday night Sammy complained to hotel management that a party next door to his room was keeping him awake. That party, of course, was Hot Wheels based. The next day, Sammy and a Cubs’ PR person got on one of the painfully slow hotel elevators. The PR person put up her hand and told three guys bearing boxes of Treasure Hunts to “take the next car”. Roughly translated they bid her “Go forth and multiply”, then stepped onboard the elevator with the future Hall of Famer.
All in all though, this had to be the quietest stay a major league team had ever had in a hotel. The folks in the lobby with the pens ready for autographs were looking for Larry Wood not Kerry Wood. Every afternoon there was an assemblage of autograph collectors on the sidewalk in front of the hotel. I spoke to one named, appropriately enough, “Wacker”. “I am an e-bay power seller”, he told me, “currently I have 35 auctions under way.” I took Wacker to be a fellow Cub fan, given the fact that he was wearing a Chicago batting helmet and a Sammy Sosa tee shirt. “You sell only Cub autographs?”, I asked, pointing to the helmet. “Nah, I wear the helmet of whatever team is here, it doesn’t matter, as long as I get the name on the ball, page or shirt.” Wacker was, it turned out the sports memorabilia answer to a scalper. Beautiful. There were some sides to the convention that I had never seen before. Bernie (ExOkie) administered the scavenger hunt game. Each participant was required to get stickers, signatures and such from people designated on a list. One of the required signatures was that of Miq Willmot. A particularly enterprising scavenger hunt participant asked Miq for his signature on Wednesday night, looking to get a jump on the competition. Unable to get a pen, Miq signed the guys sheet with a chicken wing in Champs’ restaurant. The always accommodating Miqwent over the chicken wing signature with a finger full of salsa, when the guy said he couldn’t make out his name. As always the lines were there. As always they were full of happy folks just passing the time of day and enjoying the convention. The chance to meet, talk with and get an autograph from a designer is the highlight of the convention for many folks. The vending machines were very popular, and some great cars were had. But mostly it was about the fellowship and fun. Wandering in and out rooms at all hours of the night was the most fun. The rooms stretched across all platforms from entrepreneurial to laid back and familial. Trading and selling were brisk in the rooms as was the consumption of all manner of beverages. No mention of beverages would be complete without a reference to the Saturday night/ Sunday morning Tiki Party. That party took on a life of its own. The vast majority of folks were your “usual suspects”. The friendly conversation led naturally to verbal sparring with the fun never stopping. Ray Adler, known to most as Var-Ray-Ation was the Oscar DelaHoya to Carson Lev’s Fernando Vargas. There was a wide and wild variety of people there. Gawkers, talkers, New Yawkers and even a stalker. But, heck it’s a convention, right?Who knows what the demographic will look like. The cop who came to “…see about the noise” was, admittedly a bit more cordial on his first trip. Three hours later, he was not at all amused. Those of us who were there took comfort in the fact that, worst-case scenario; we could always crash in the hotel across the street.
Exhausted, a little poorer, but all-in-all happy, we all departed Cincinnati. With memories of the Nationals fresh in our minds, we all had the same thought. How many weeks until Irvine? It’s when we get to do it all over again. I’ll be there, I hope you will be too. Thanks for your time. Any thoughts or comments, please write me at just_al@alsegundo.com.
